Stop Questioning Your Worth in Friendships

***LOOONNNNGGGG personal share of some growth that has occurred in my personal and emotional life over the past few months. I hope this can help somebody who is battling their worth in friendships. ***

While building and walking into the purpose God has laid out for me, I have learned this important lesson BIG time over the past few months. Not only have I been working hard on trying to build something for Him, but I have had fall backs and major things happening in my personal life at the same time. Life isn’t perfect. Social media doesn’t always tell the true story of what’s going on in somebody’s life. It is mostly a highlight reel because some things are too personal, and not meant for just anybody to know. Maybe later they will be used for testimony and to help others, but some things need only God and maybe a community to help get you through. That is why we NEED to have supportive people in our corner. We need the gals who we reach out to no matter what. The ones I knew I could cry to, ask for prayers (and knew they wouldn’t gossip or judge what was happening in my life), are the ones I KNEW automatically were my village. (THANK YOU LADIES, you know who you are boos.) Having a tribe and friends you KNOW you can trust and count on is NECESSARY in this life! I always say, it takes a village.

God has really revealed my true tribe and my true friends to me the past few months! You ladies who love me through the mess, the ones who support my business and encourage me on days I feel unworthy, THANK YOU FOR being AMAZING and loving me even in your own cares, heartaches and busy schedules going on in life. I hope I return the same kind of love and care to you, and if I don’t smack me across the face and tell me what you need! I’m there and I got you boo!

When God reveals things, sometimes it can hurt. It has been heartbreaking to accept some of these needed changes in relationships, BUT AMAZING for the most part. I emotionally finally let go of some people (ones that God had been trying to tell me for many years were toxic for my reputation (gossipers and backstabbers) and toxic for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Here’s the thing, I am married now, about to start a little family (moving closer to adoption AND also TTC…..holy moly, what if adoption happens at the same time as pregnancy?? WHAT A BLESSING that would be). It is SO important who we allow into our family’s life as well. I’m a momma bear when it comes to my family, and we don’t even have kids yet! Yes, God, I will listen to you now. It took bringing a husband into my life, planning for our family and building something that my children and children’s children can hopefully one day be proud of and maybe even continue after I am long gone, to truly understand the NEED to have good, quality, trustworthy, cheerleaders in my life. I have finally realized the importance of committed and loyal friends, and not the ones who waiver, but the ones who are solid, you never wonder what your worth is in their eyes. STOP questioning your worth girlfriend. If you are reading this and have those friends and people in your life, STOP. Put the relationship down. Walk away. And love from a distance. Give that relationship to God girlfriend and give Him the space to work in it. Here is what will happen; He will either work in both of your hearts and one day bring restoration OR He will give you peace as you walk away and begin to form healthier and more meant for you friendships.

I don’t hate or dislike the people I have had to take some steps back from. As a matter of fact, I care deeply and love them (always will)……but from a distance. And that’s okay. You have to tell yourself, THAT.IS.OKAY. It is okay and actually Biblical to use wisdom in our close relationships. That doesn’t mean to hate, be cruel, not help if they ever need it etc. It simply means, “I’m not your people. And you are not my people.” You see, I don’t believe that just because somebody isn’t a good friend to me, makes them a bad friend in general. Not at all. I just believe that there is something about me or the patterns in our relationship that causes the friendship to just be toxic for the both of us. I truly believe the people I had to step away from are TRULY good friends to THEIR real tribe, that simply doesn’t include me and vice versa. At some point, you have to stop faking the friendship and move forward. It is the best thing for our emotional health and that of our families!

So remember:
1. It is Biblical to choose your friends wisely.
2. Both parties deserve good healthy friendships.
3. You only love yourself and the other person most when you can walk away in peace and love.
4. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Some people you MUST love at arm’s length. It IS INDEED Biblical for a reason;

Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverbs 12:26 – “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Proverbs 20:19 – “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”

Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”

Diving Deeper - Genesis 2

I absolutely loved today’s diving deeper in Genesis today! Genesis 2 reminded me the simplicity of who He is. We tend to be overwhelmed with the idea of who God is, and where I love that feeling also because He is a big God that overwhelms us with His divine love, He is also peaceful and simple. Genesis 2 reminded me of that today.

“Nothing was growing into the fields because the Lord God had not yet made it rain on the land.” Genesis 2:5 – Growth can’t happen without the rain. Our pains in life bring immaculate growth if we allow Him to work in that pain. Genesis 2:5 reminds me that we need those growing pains in order to flourish. “Then the Lord planted a garden.” Genesis 2:8

“He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nose, and the man became a living person.” Genesis 2:7 reminds me that we literally have His breath in us. He created us with His very breath. I love that thought. It also reminds me that others have His breath of life in them too. When I think about that, it brings me to a place of so much love for others. We are all walking and breathing HIS breath! Love it!

These two things remind me that we need the rain from pain AND His breath for those beautiful gardens in our lives to happen. It is vital for growth to happen in us and for us!

In the middle of the garden is a tree that gives the knowledge of good and evil. We always have a choice. We all know the story of Eve choosing poorly and that just reminds me that we, too, have choices in life. What choices will you make today?

Then my favorite scripture in Genesis 2, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for Him.” Genesis 2:18. This scripture reminds me that God is most definitely relational. Hello, women were made for the purpose of bringing relationship and community into Adam’s life! He believes in commitment, relationship and marriage!

I hope this blesses you today and brings some simple, yet profound, reminders into your life today!

Be blessed.

I Don't Do Unhealthy: I Trusted Too Easily

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8

This scripture used to always confuse me.  I didn't understand how a God who believed in community and relationship so much could warn us about trusting others.  It wasn't until I was in high school and I was brutally betrayed by a close friend that I knew what this scripture was telling me.  I put more trust in those relationships and in those girls never lying to me, rejecting me and making me feel accepted than I did in the One who will never lie to me, reject me and will always accept me.  

I realized as I got older that people will hurt us, no matter how amazing or loving the relationship is and that's why we have to take refuge in the Lord over man.  The amazing part about this scripture is that it's not meant for us to be cynical when it comes to trust but it's meant to 1) protect our hearts and 2) compel us to love others with a graceful heart.  If we have the Love of the Lord in us then it is easier for us to show grace to others.

  "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace," 

1 Peter 4:10

Even though I knew this, I wasn't practicing it.  I was putting all of my trust into my relationships, expecting them to live up to this high standard that I placed upon them.  I was feeling completely rejected when they would hurt me in any way, leaving me walking with pain and bitterness.  I was letting people in too soon and getting upset when I finally got to know them and realized they were not people I needed to be friends with or have in my close circle and when I would finally realize this, I would be angry with them and couldn't love them the way God has called me to love others.  

Going into new relationships wisely isn't to frustrate us but to protect us and the other person.  We can't trust too easily or quickly.  We have to walk into new relationships guarding our heart and getting to know a person so that way we don't end up hurting them if we find that this isn't a person that should be in our close circle and vice versa.  None of us are perfect so we need to be protected as well if for some reason another person decides we don't belong in their close circle.  Views are different and sometimes beliefs can cause us to decide it's time to move on from a relationship.  We can eliminate all of this pain if we stop trusting too easily and jumping into relationships without getting to know somebody.  

Get to know the person's beliefs, watch how they treat others and most of all ask yourself if this is somebody you would trust with your children or husband.  If you aren't married, ask yourself if this is somebody who will help you to live a pure and peaceful single life.  Read scripture and find out what God wants in friends for us. Pray and ask God if He approves of the friendship blossoming and be obedient to His whisper.  

Trusting others isn't a bad thing but it is something we should do wisely.  So much pain could be eliminated in other's lives if we learned to do this.  I'm praying for you and praying for trust to be a precious and fragile part of who you are so that you don't give it away too easily! 

Stay tuned for "I Didn't Let Wisdom Guide"

Step Away From The Comfort Zone

The past few months have been months of personal growth and change.  There have been lots of changes in life and in those changes, I have grown so much!  

February brought marriage and the change of the single role to the wifey role.  I love being a wife and I love marriage and I still have so much to learn!   I plan on growing daily into the best wife possible!  My husband deserves that and my Father deserves to see His children in a healthy and loving marriage!  

June brought a new position!  I was promoted from administrative assistant to Life Group Coordinator at Trinity Church and it has been an adjustment, an awesome adjustment but nevertheless....an adjustment!  I LOVED my role as an administrative assistant when I was at Wal-Mart Corporate and at the Church.  My new role is very different from the role I was in for 7 years of my life and learning this new role has been exciting and amazing!

July brought a new home for my husband and I.  During this move, I started to have terrible pains and I knew instantly I had a kidney stone.  After going to the doctor and getting some tests ran, I found out that I had TWO kidney stones.  I still haven't passed them and sadly looking at another surgery for this.  During this time, I have at times been frustrated and sad.  I haven't been able to enjoy my new home or unpack or practice my cooking in my new spacious and beautiful kitchen.  However, this time down has also been beautiful.  

The one thing I have learned is that how we speak to one another, the words we say, and our intentions mean EVERYTHING!  I have always been told how sweet I am and I never really put much thought into that because, I was just always being me.  Over the past few weeks, I have felt my character and my personality challenged.  Not because of anything in particular but mainly from the stressors of all the change going on in life.  Granite, they are all wonderful changes but still change and change can be an exhausting thing no matter how exciting or positive it is.  

We don't recognize our character flaws until our flaws are put in unfamiliar situations and I am very thankful for this.  I didn't realize I had some character flaws that clearly needed a good look at.  I needed a shift in my heart and I didn't even realize it!  I started to notice that I had a critical spirit buried deep down in me and it never really came out until I was placed in many new and unfamiliar situations.  Being comfortable and in safe zones all of the time caused me to.....well be comfortable and I didn't have a hard time being that sweet girl.  

God amazes me so much how He answers prayers.  I asked before Darin and I got married for Him to please purge out any impurities I might have deep down in the core of my heart.  My desire is to have a great marriage and a great life and I knew deep down that any impurities buried deep down would one day jeopardize this desire of mine.  It has only been a few months since that prayer was whispered in my Father's ear and here He is, answering it.  At first I didn't like these things being brought to light, I was learning stuff about myself that was ugly and embarrassing.  It was only when I got sick with kidney stones that I was able to be quiet and in my prayer time really listen to Him and really embrace what was going on in the spiritual realm of stuff.

"but answer in a gentle way and with respect. Keep a clear conscience so that those who speak evil of your good life in Christ will be made ashamed." 1 Peter 3:16

Being critical of others can cause so much damage than what we realize.  I am so thankful God brought this character flaw of mine to the forefront so that I can seek Him for a change in my spirit and in my heart.  When we are critical of others it causes us to stop listening to them, stop respecting them, and it puts a halt on building a healthy relationship with them.  Yes, we must hold one another accountable but lovingly holding somebody accountable is totally different from being critical and judging them!  I'm far from done with this battle but it is a battle I am aware of now and it is a battle that God will fight with me!  It is up to me to open my heart up, repent, and EXPECT change!!!  So, next time you are put in uncomfortable situations, don't get discouraged.  Ask God what He wants to reveal to you in that moment and embrace what He says to you! 

There Is Beauty In Difficult Relationships

So, over the past few months I have really dealt with learning how to let difficult people go.  I have to say that I have not really had to face too many people who "dislike" me nor have I really had a lot of enemies in my lifetime, so learning how to deal with this topic and not let it effect me or the people in my life is an amazing blessing!  I am learning how to really dig deep inside of me and know who I am in Christ and know who I am as a beautiful Christian woman and where satan means it to hurt me (it has hurt but I haven't let it get to me like the enemy wants) God is using this opportunity to help me with my confidence.  

"When you have to turn and walk away from somebody, you walk straight into the arms of Jesus." Dr. Charles Stanley

So, true.  Remember, that Christ himself was persecuted both physically and verbally.  So, if we are to be an Image of Christ than we must use moments in life to build our character and form us more into His image.  If you are facing enemies, use the opportunity to dig deep down and know who we are no matter what somebody else says or how hurtful the rejection is.  Obedience to this is one of the most awesome things!  When we walk away from hurtful situations, we walk straight into the arms of Christ for His comfort!   

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

Not only do difficult times with other people give us a chance to build up our character within but it also gives us a chance to really exemplify Christ in you outwardly.  If somebody has hurt you, frustrated you, upset you, we still have to show love.  Yes, it is hard when somebody "gets" to you but remember that a merciful person does not expose a person's faults just for their own personal gain.  It is a beautiful beautiful thing when we protect even our enemies and we don't talk bad about them.  I'm not going to lie, I have had moments of "slip" ups with allowing my frustrations to get the best of me.  So, do not fret if this has been a challenge for you.  There is forgiveness, redemption, purification, and the gift of change when we lay it all down at the foot of the cross.  

"A troublemaker plants seed of strife; gossip separates the best of friends." Proverbs 16:28

We have to also be careful with "venting".  Venting is most of the time really "gossip" and for some reason people seem to think "venting" is an excuse to talk badly about somebody else but it isn't.    Gossip is hurtful and a very sinful act of the tongue!  Remember, those seeds are planted and not just with the person you are talking about but for yourself.  Gossip hurts you as well, if not more!  You might not feel the repercussions right away but eventually you will. Gossip is a very very dangerous ground to walk on when it comes to the tongue.  If you need to talk to about the "issue" or how somebody else frustrates you, talk to God!  One of the things I have learned from the amazing women in my Church is that God is the BEST person to talk to because He knows the other person as well!  He can offer you peace by not only comforting you but also speaking grace into your heart for the other person.  He loves all of us and He understands all of our hearts and where we all are and why we do the things we do.  He can give us that grace, love, and peace towards the other person that we need in order to show the love that He commands us to show others, even our enemies. We NEED Him to help us with such a huge task because this is hard.  I mean, He invented friendships for a reason, right?  There is a fine line between "discussing" and "gossip" and trust me, I'm still learning this myself.

One of the other things the Bible has taught me is to never openly confront somebody in front of others where it can cause embarrassment.  Remember, we still have to love, even our enemies.  You go to your brother or sister privately and try and straighten out the issue just between you two.  If that doesn't work then you have a choice to take another brother with you, according to the Bible, or simply let it go.  In my most recent case, I chose to just let it go and let God.  We can't give up the power to control our own happiness and so in order to keep that control of your own life and happiness, you have to hand it over to God.  Let Him deal with it.  Perhaps there are things in your heart and the other person's heart that He needs to still work on.  No problem.  TRUST HIM!  He always fights for us and for peace!  

God has invested a lot of time into you, so don't lose your worth on how somebody else has treated you or what they say about you cause you then lose joy in your life.  Our worth and value are not in what we do or in what others think or say about us, our worth is in the fact that we are children of God.  Remember, whatever we sow, we reap and this includes our thoughts.  Our thoughts are seeds, so you must continue to think positive and good about yourself and about your life and about the amazing plans God has for you.  Protect your thoughts and wrap every thought in love.  We cannot harm another with our thoughts, we only harm ourselves! 

We can't change yesterday but we can be happy, courageous, and encouraging today.  We can start again by forgiving others and ourselves and declare today the first day of the rest of your life.  God gives us the gift of u-turns and new beginnings, so utilize these gifts!  There is nothing we have done that cannot be fixed by God.  The battle belongs to Him, so let Him fight it for you! God wants us to stop talking about the days of the past and look forward and embrace the new days ahead! 

God Will Lead And I Will Follow You

"If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.  It is better for you to lose part of your body and live forever than to have two hands and two feet and be thrown into the fire that burns forever."  Matthew 18:8

Here lately I have been questioned about my decision to "cut off" some friendships and relationships. I have been criticized for this decision.  People telling me that it is me being judgemental or not giving others the love that God has given me.  I beg to differ.  I am cutting off "relationships" not cutting off the love.  Some people, I have chosen to love them from a distance.  I'm still praying for them but choosing to remove myself from dangerous relationships that have led me back to sin or back into a lifestyle I have worked so hard to stay away from.  This decision does not mean I do not love them anymore.  It just means that I am going on a different path and the path I'm on is very narrow.....there is no room for failure or sin.  As far as my love....my love for people in my past will always be in my heart and certainly in my prayers.  I do not wish anybody ill will and I pray for lifestyles and decisions to be changed and for new life to form in others.  I do this because I know what it is like to live in a world of darkness and sin.  I know what it is like to walk a very wide path with all the room in the world for toxic relationships and lots of sin. I also know what it is like to be delivered from all of the chaos.   

It is human nature for us to fall into sin if we are around it all the time.  Monkey see, monkey do, right?

"Do not be fooled, bad friends will ruin good habits."  1 Corinthians 15:33

This is true for me and I admit it, I'm not strong enough to stay out of temptations way once I am surrounded by it.  I'm weak.  I'm human.  I need Jesus.  We all have our own convictions and we each have a responsibility to do what we can to live out God's will for our lives.  

"You are not the same as those who do not believe.  So do not join yourselves to them.  Good and bad do not belong together.  Light and darkness cannot share together."  2 Corinthians 6:14

Notice the word "join".  This doesn't say do not "love" them  or do not "pray" for them or do not "set a good example" for them.  This says "join".  Loving others who are down a wide path does not mean we have to put ourselves in harms way or put our own salvation and own convictions at risk.  We each have a duty to be able to balance out this love for the lost.  Whether we like it or not our hearts are affected by the hearts we surround ourselves with.  That is why is it so important to watch our company.  Unfortunately, we live in Satan's playground and he is always lurking around to steal, kill, and destroy.  With that being said, is your own conviction worth putting to the test just for the pure pleasure of being around others who can influence you in a negative way?  My answer to that question is "no", it is not worth it to me.  

Satan's lurking and waiting for opportunity.  

Sure I want to help spread the word of the Lord and I will do that with out being unequally yoked in my close relationships.  This decision isn't just about what is best for me either but what is best for somebody in my life who is lost.  If I know I cannot resist the temptation of drinking alcohol and getting drunk then what good does it do myself or the other person for me to put myself in that environment and backslide and then leave the lost even more confused.  Or worse, looking at me with disgust thinking how hypocritical "Christians" are, then are turned away from Christianity for good.  

Again, we each have our own convictions.  Drinking and bar hopping are mine.  I adore the thrill of meeting up with friends and getting that buzz and feeling like nothing in the world is bigger or better than me.  I love the thought of being out on a dance floor with a drink in my hand ready to party the night away.  The only problem with that adoration and love, is that I adore and love my God so much more.  The peace He has bestowed upon my life when I turned away from my sin is so immaculate and phenomenal.  

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, My soul will exalt in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness."  Isaiah 61:10

......and that my dear friends is so much more important to me than anything.  My relationship with God overrides any earthly relationship.

In God's perspective everything is black and white.  There are no gray areas.  In God's eyes we are either entering through the small gate or the wide gate, we are either traveling the narrow road or the wide road, we are either building on rock or building on sand, we are either wise or we are foolish, we are either prepared or unprepared, we are either fruitful or fruitless, and we are either Heaven called or hell bound.  Why do so many of us Christians live in the gray area when there is no gray area?  Why do so many of us live with one foot in the world and one foot with God.  It doesn't work like that.  We have to make the choice to live for God.  

My journey with God requires me to be aware of my convictions and my temptations and do what I can to put my relationship with Him first, ABOVE all other relationships.  It requires me to seek Him and His guidance for my life.  It requires me to have faith that I can and will live a pure and clean life for Him.  It requires me to know that I have both feet with Him and not one dangling in the world waiting for satan to come up and grab it and pull me back into his world.  Nothing is worth that risk.  Nothing.

No Opportunity Goes Wasted

I have really learned some valuable lessons the last couple of days. With friendships/relationships in general. God has really been working in my heart and I praise Him so much for the lessons He gives me. He never wastes these opportunities to grow us. I am learning to love with the grace and mercy He loves me with. His love is so perfect that I have no other choice but to try and live life and love people with that same grace and mercy! How amazing would this world be if we all had that type of devotion to one another? I had a friend minister to my heart today and she doesn't even know it. I reached out to her to help her thinking I was the one that had something to feed her....turned out that it was the other way around. God never misses an opportunity! NEVER! Thank you God for bringing the people in my life at the exact right moments. YOUR moments. 

God wants us to fight for Him, to be His mouth to speak with, His arms to love with, and His heart to show mercy and forgiveness with. We can't do that if our hearts are hardened to Him. His love and mercy are like no other and why shouldn't we spread that to others. We must work WITH Him to set the world on fire for Him! I'm so ready for the journey He is taking me on to really really start.....each day is a new door opened and each new person is a piece of Him brought into my life for some impacting moment! His timing is impeccable and everything about it is PERFECT! 

It is a wonderful day indeed when we stop working FOR God and begin working WITH God. Food for thought......

Speak Love

"Speak to each other with psalms,hymns, and spiritual songs singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord."  Ephesians 5:19

This verse really spoke to me today.  Here lately I have been feeling like there is so much anger around me. I see it on my social media, see it on TV, and I have even had a little in my own heart.  Sometimes I feel like people judge one another too harshly.  We expect others to be perfect and always know and do the right things.  The truth is, none of us are perfect and the truth is, none of us always know what to do.  Sometimes we make decisions in life that others are not happy about and simply do not benefit everybody involved.  Truth is, that's a part of life!

Lately, I have been praying for more understanding.  I don't want to be that person that is constantly criticizing others or constantly finding fault in others.  What's the point?  All we do is destroy relationships and break hearts that way.  Sure, somebody might make a wrong choice or somebody might hurt you but to have true understanding and love is to have peace and I want that peace so badly.

It starts with how we treat one another, how we speak to and about one another.  It's tough.  Sometimes it's easier to "vent" about somebody and talking bad about others, for some reason makes us feel better about our own lives and our own situations.  Stop it.  Really, all we do when we talk badly about others, is build our own anger up and destroys the relationship.  Even if the person never hears what you say.....it WILL slowly destroy that relationship.

Speak love to and about one another.  That is the only way we will ever be pleasing to God when talking about somebody behind their back.  God doesn't like us to speak ugly about one another because He loves each and every one of us.  God WANTS unity and desires that for our lives.  It hurts His heart when He hears us speaking ill of one of HIS children.  It doesn't matter the hows or the whys because He knows that none of us are perfect and He has taken the nails for our bad choices and wrong doings so to judge somebody else is never acceptable to Him and we are never justified in this act.  As Christians, we are to hold one another accountable for things but make sure you are still doing it IN LOVE!

So, try something new today and everyday here on out, speak only love about one another.  If you feel yourself about to speak hate or ugly, then just hush it.  Don't let the words come out of your mouth. Keep practicing this and before you know it, your heart will match your thoughts and your thoughts will match your mouth.

Be blessed today y'all!

Love Is Thoughtful And Caring

"Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship." 

"Love thinks before speaking.  It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness."


Recently I have learned that encouragement and support are both just as important in any relationship as love and loyalty are.  We must learn to bring balance into our relationships and that includes making sure we are meeting other's needs in all aspects as best as we can.  

Great relationships come from great thinking and it is important to be mindful of what the other is going through outside the relationship and to express concern and support in those other parts of their life. Too many times we are selfish with our thinking.  We are only thinking about what WE are going through or how somebody else made US feel and never take a moment to think about what that person might be going through.  What kind of battles are they dealing with and instead of taking offense, we should reach out and care.

Being thoughtful can range from words of encouragement, words of affirmation, to small gestures to let the other know they are important.  It's one of those things that does not take much time.  Showing somebody that you care is vital to a thriving relationship.  Being selfish and never taking time out to take an extra step to show somebody they are special is dangerous and can be a silent killer in your relationships.  Everybody wants to feel special and though of, everybody!  

Today I dare you to be thoughtful!