Stop Questioning Your Worth in Friendships

***LOOONNNNGGGG personal share of some growth that has occurred in my personal and emotional life over the past few months. I hope this can help somebody who is battling their worth in friendships. ***

While building and walking into the purpose God has laid out for me, I have learned this important lesson BIG time over the past few months. Not only have I been working hard on trying to build something for Him, but I have had fall backs and major things happening in my personal life at the same time. Life isn’t perfect. Social media doesn’t always tell the true story of what’s going on in somebody’s life. It is mostly a highlight reel because some things are too personal, and not meant for just anybody to know. Maybe later they will be used for testimony and to help others, but some things need only God and maybe a community to help get you through. That is why we NEED to have supportive people in our corner. We need the gals who we reach out to no matter what. The ones I knew I could cry to, ask for prayers (and knew they wouldn’t gossip or judge what was happening in my life), are the ones I KNEW automatically were my village. (THANK YOU LADIES, you know who you are boos.) Having a tribe and friends you KNOW you can trust and count on is NECESSARY in this life! I always say, it takes a village.

God has really revealed my true tribe and my true friends to me the past few months! You ladies who love me through the mess, the ones who support my business and encourage me on days I feel unworthy, THANK YOU FOR being AMAZING and loving me even in your own cares, heartaches and busy schedules going on in life. I hope I return the same kind of love and care to you, and if I don’t smack me across the face and tell me what you need! I’m there and I got you boo!

When God reveals things, sometimes it can hurt. It has been heartbreaking to accept some of these needed changes in relationships, BUT AMAZING for the most part. I emotionally finally let go of some people (ones that God had been trying to tell me for many years were toxic for my reputation (gossipers and backstabbers) and toxic for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Here’s the thing, I am married now, about to start a little family (moving closer to adoption AND also TTC…..holy moly, what if adoption happens at the same time as pregnancy?? WHAT A BLESSING that would be). It is SO important who we allow into our family’s life as well. I’m a momma bear when it comes to my family, and we don’t even have kids yet! Yes, God, I will listen to you now. It took bringing a husband into my life, planning for our family and building something that my children and children’s children can hopefully one day be proud of and maybe even continue after I am long gone, to truly understand the NEED to have good, quality, trustworthy, cheerleaders in my life. I have finally realized the importance of committed and loyal friends, and not the ones who waiver, but the ones who are solid, you never wonder what your worth is in their eyes. STOP questioning your worth girlfriend. If you are reading this and have those friends and people in your life, STOP. Put the relationship down. Walk away. And love from a distance. Give that relationship to God girlfriend and give Him the space to work in it. Here is what will happen; He will either work in both of your hearts and one day bring restoration OR He will give you peace as you walk away and begin to form healthier and more meant for you friendships.

I don’t hate or dislike the people I have had to take some steps back from. As a matter of fact, I care deeply and love them (always will)……but from a distance. And that’s okay. You have to tell yourself, THAT.IS.OKAY. It is okay and actually Biblical to use wisdom in our close relationships. That doesn’t mean to hate, be cruel, not help if they ever need it etc. It simply means, “I’m not your people. And you are not my people.” You see, I don’t believe that just because somebody isn’t a good friend to me, makes them a bad friend in general. Not at all. I just believe that there is something about me or the patterns in our relationship that causes the friendship to just be toxic for the both of us. I truly believe the people I had to step away from are TRULY good friends to THEIR real tribe, that simply doesn’t include me and vice versa. At some point, you have to stop faking the friendship and move forward. It is the best thing for our emotional health and that of our families!

So remember:
1. It is Biblical to choose your friends wisely.
2. Both parties deserve good healthy friendships.
3. You only love yourself and the other person most when you can walk away in peace and love.
4. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Some people you MUST love at arm’s length. It IS INDEED Biblical for a reason;

Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverbs 12:26 – “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Proverbs 20:19 – “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”

Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”

Embrace Suffering, Embrace God

Suffering is a feeling we don't welcome into our lives very well. Just hearing the word can send shivers down your spine. At least for me it does. Isn't it crazy that the very thing we do not want in our lives, is the very thing that brings us closest to God? 

I learned a long time ago to embrace suffering. No, it isn't welcomed in my world either. Like most people, I despise the feeling of heartbreak and emptiness. I loathe the thought of feeling like my soul is lost in the depth of sorrow and grief. As much as I dislike suffering, I embrace it because suffering pulls me into my Father's arms more powerful than I can even begin to try and understand. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2

I embrace it because God is in the midst of all the chaos when my spirit feels shaken, when my world feels turned upside down. He is there. I feel Him. I seek Him. I embrace Him. When we learn to embrace suffering, we begin to embrace more of Him into our space. We allow Him to come in and fill the empty places with His love and peace. In those moments of feeling completely lost and unsure, He is there. 

I remember days where I would wake up completely unsure of what the future would hold. Miscarriage hurt my heart, took away a piece of our family. Even though I carry our baby in my heart, the truth of the matter is that he is not here physically with us. He isn't sharing in the joys of life. He didn't get to move to the Pacific Northwest with us and experience the beauty of nature and a different part of the world. That thought haunts me from time to time, but then God. God steps in, holds my hand and loves me. When suffering starts to creep back in, I embrace God. I lean into Him and remember whose I am. 

Suffering is not the greatest thing in life, I agree. But, when we are called to suffer and grieve, we are called to embrace a God who will never leave us. We are the closest to our Heavenly Father than we will ever be when our grief meets suffering. So, as you cry and miss your child today, embrace Him. He is near you. 

Friendship - Accountability or Criticism?

So, last week on my Tuesday Tea with Cryssie over on Facebook, I talked about how to be a good friend to somebody who has experienced pregnancy loss. Today, I thought I would write a blog on the importance of loving one another….flaws and all. Ephesians 4:32 teaches us to be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God has forgiven us.

Friendship is hard. Much like marriage, it requires a selfless heart. It is difficult to maintain a long healthy friendship if one or both parties are selfish. I have been both the selfish friend and the selfless friend. Today, I want to touch on some ways that we can all work on being selfless friends.

First and foremost, we have to accept the other person. We are all flawed human beings and we all have room for growth. It is unrealistic to think that anybody in this world is perfect. That’s selfish of us. There is a reason why God tells us that we are to only worship Him. When we put expectations of perfection on other people, they will fail us. When they fail us, we all walk away feeling brokenhearted and disappointed. On that note, one might confuse helping a friend with criticizing a friend. Let’s face it, friendship should also have an element of accountability. We want friends in our lives who will encourage us to walk right with the Lord, and who is not afraid to love our spiritual walk more than fear of upsetting us.

So, how do we know when a friend just needs total acceptance or needs encouragement (accountability) to grow? I would encourage you to first and foremost, pray. Prayer is a must in any relationship. Allowing God to step in and guide the relationship will allow your friendship to grow in love and in peace. My advice to this topic would be that criticism would be a judgement about somebody’s personality or character trait. Holding somebody accountable for something is when we speak up to a friend who is doing something that defiles the word of God or themselves. These things are two totally different things, yet often we think they are the same thing. For example, complaining about how somebody talks, or how they do their makeup is criticizing that person, but setting a friend down to talk with her about getting drunk and sleeping around with several guys is holding her accountable. It is telling her that you love her and that she is precious and reminding her of who God says she is. Now, if you were to make fun of her or talk badly behind her back for her decisions, then that changes over to criticism and gossip. You never want to gossip.

Bottom Line, love your friends for who they are. If they are going down a road that takes them away from Jesus, help steer her back to Him, but don’t judge. Just love where she is. God loves us all where we are, and we should extend that same type of love.

If you find that a friend doesn’t want to change and is dragging you down with her, then pray about it and seek God’s answer on what to do with that relationship. He might need you to love her from a distance for a season, but that doesn’t mean you get the green light to put her down or start talking badly.

Next week, we’ll talk about keeping in contact with our friends. Friendships and community weren’t designed for us to be absent in them, they were designed for us to love, edify and help one another. We can’t do those things if we are an absentee friend. I’m preaching to myself when I say that being busy is not an excuse, being busy is a crutch and is incredibly selfish. We make time for what matters…but we’ll talk more about that next week.

Diving Deeper - Genesis 2

I absolutely loved today’s diving deeper in Genesis today! Genesis 2 reminded me the simplicity of who He is. We tend to be overwhelmed with the idea of who God is, and where I love that feeling also because He is a big God that overwhelms us with His divine love, He is also peaceful and simple. Genesis 2 reminded me of that today.

“Nothing was growing into the fields because the Lord God had not yet made it rain on the land.” Genesis 2:5 – Growth can’t happen without the rain. Our pains in life bring immaculate growth if we allow Him to work in that pain. Genesis 2:5 reminds me that we need those growing pains in order to flourish. “Then the Lord planted a garden.” Genesis 2:8

“He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nose, and the man became a living person.” Genesis 2:7 reminds me that we literally have His breath in us. He created us with His very breath. I love that thought. It also reminds me that others have His breath of life in them too. When I think about that, it brings me to a place of so much love for others. We are all walking and breathing HIS breath! Love it!

These two things remind me that we need the rain from pain AND His breath for those beautiful gardens in our lives to happen. It is vital for growth to happen in us and for us!

In the middle of the garden is a tree that gives the knowledge of good and evil. We always have a choice. We all know the story of Eve choosing poorly and that just reminds me that we, too, have choices in life. What choices will you make today?

Then my favorite scripture in Genesis 2, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for Him.” Genesis 2:18. This scripture reminds me that God is most definitely relational. Hello, women were made for the purpose of bringing relationship and community into Adam’s life! He believes in commitment, relationship and marriage!

I hope this blesses you today and brings some simple, yet profound, reminders into your life today!

Be blessed.

This Life I Live By Rory Feek - 5 out of 5 Stars

To say I was over the moon excited when I was asked to review this book is an understatement!  As a blogger for almost two decades, I can appreciate a beautiful blog being turned into a book.  I follow Rory's blog and his family's journey pretty much from the start, so I was blessed, humbled and honored to be chosen to read and review this most precious book!!!  It certainly didn't disappoint me....if I could rate this book 100 stars, I would! Beautifully written with a humble and peaceful heart.

If you don't know who Rory is, I'm positive you have heard at least one of his famous songs that he has written.  My favorite one is Clay Walker's "Chain of Love".  His gift of music has touched lives all over and I know this book will do the same!

If you have followed This Life I Live Blog, then you will be happy to hear that this book does not revisit the posts on his blog.  You get a whole new glimpse into the life of Rory and Joey, mainly Rory's childhood.  Reading how he grew up and the struggles he endured to the amazing man he is and beautiful marriage he had with Joey, gives me hope.  It gives me hope in renewal and restoration of the heart.  I caught myself laughing, crying and laughing as I flipped through each page as Rory became more and more vulnerable to his readers.  As I got towards the end, I was in awe of God's amazing beauty and ability to orchestrate our lives and our relationships if we allow Him to.

Rory and Joey's love is an inspiration and a hope fountain!  I'm thankful for couples like this who exhibit the true nature of what God intended marriage to be!  You can purchase This Life I Live: One Man's Extraordinary, Ordinary Life and the Woman Who Changed It Forever on Amazon!  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

***I received this book free from the publisher through Thomas Nelson. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 

Maybe It's Not Them Leaving The Church.....

I recently read this article and thought it was amazing.  It came in my inbox at a time that I feel like I'm seeing things differently and this post helped me to feel....not so alone in this new step in my Christian walk.

If you disagree, no worries. This world is full of different opinions and outlooks.  This is just one that I ......now agree with. Had somebody showed this post to me a year or two ago, I would have been appalled and frankly very upset but today....wow, I relate.

NINE REASONS DISCERNING WOMEN ARE LEAVING YOUR CHURCH

Maybe it’s not that discerning women are leaving the church**, but that the church is leaving them.

Be Bold Enough To BE

Inspiration! Oh, I LOVE inspiration! Today I had a beautiful conversation with my sweet friend, Amanda. I reached out to her for prayer and she immediately responded with encouragement, hope and obedience.  She heard my heart and then took the time to pray and seek God for guidance before responding back to me....thankfully she did this and allowed the Holy Spirit to work in her heart before saying anything.  She was obedient to what He had spoken to her and I'm SO thankful she was.

In summary, she said she felt that God needed me to just "BE".  She said that she felt like I needed to stop trying so hard....stop trying to please God and others so much and just be me!  I knew something was going on inside of me but I didn't know what exactly and this just totally opened my eyes to what I was feeling.  I didn't even realize that THIS was my issue......THIS is why I was feeling so...... so lost.....

You see, we don't have to work hard to please Him.  He leads us and opens doors for us to use our gifts.  We don't have to try and impress Him or prove to Him that we are worthy.  For that matter, we don't have to prove this to anybody else either.  He has equipped us and He has already ordered our steps.  We don't have to try so hard to impress.  We are His precious gifts!

Today I chose to take a break from social media.  I need to just BE.  I need to find myself SO lost in Him that I don't feel the need to please.  This past year has backed me into a corner of self-doubt, pain, disappointment and confusion.  My heart hurts and at times I feel so lost and unsure.  I can choose to stay in this dark place of loss and self-pity or I can allow God to help me to rise above all of the pain and disappointment.

If you are going through a time of feeling lost, you aren't alone!  I'm not alone.  We have one another but more importantly, we have a God who is ALWAYS walking with us.  He sees us and knows us by name.  I challenge you today to just BE! BE BOLD enough to just BE who YOU are!!!  Who GOD created!  Be bold enough to not feel the need to please but to be confident in who you are!

Thank you Amanda for your encouragement! I needed that message today!

I Don't Do Unhealthy: I Didn't Let Wisdom Guide

"Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." Proverbs 4:6-7

Forgiveness.  

We all need forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a must as a Christian.  It's a commandment that comes with loving others and following Christ.  As much as forgiving is important, so is wisdom.  I think it's fair to say that my forgiveness always has come with complete faith and trust in people.  If I forgave you, I fully trusted you again.  If I chose to remain in your life, I put my all back in.  This might be needed in some incidents but I think it's safe to say that in most instances, it's wise to take the time to slowly allow trust back in.  Forgiveness doesn't mean trust and relationship.   Forgiveness simply means grace and Jesus.  Restoration does not have to follow forgiveness and I think that often times, we hold back forgiveness because we aren't ready for relationship or trusting again.  Forgiveness restores our hearts but doesn't have to restore the relationship.  Sometimes forgiveness is a part of goodbye and walking away gracefully.

Wisdom has to come with forgiveness because wisdom comes from God.  

I'm learning this truth and it's been a painful lesson to learn but it has been worth learning.  Proverbs 4:6-7 gently warns us that wisdom can cost it all and I'm currently living in that painful but freeing truth.  I worked in full time ministry at a church I loved dearly.  I loved the people, the messages and what I felt that God was doing there.....wisdom cost me the job I loved so much.  It still stings and at times, I still cry.  The painful reality that wisdom opened up, left a sting in my heart that hasn't quite left.  God's faithfulness is beautiful though.  The one thing that still stings my heart is the day I reached out with some of my concerns while I was employed there and I was told by the pastor I reached out to, that if I quit that church, I would NEVER find another good opportunity to work at a place like that again.....but then God.  Thankfully that pastor is not my amazing and most POWERFUL HEAVENLY FATHER!  Thankfully my Father has bigger plans for me and I'm living out that plan now and I know He will continue to have bigger plans for me and my family. Thankfully God loves me, sees me and values me!  Thankfully that pastor's words aren't the final words in my life......I serve an awesome Father WHO has the FINAL say in my life.

After that incident, I forgave and moved on in my position.  I continued to serve wholeheartedly but all the while, praying for wisdom.  I knew something didn't feel right in my spirit about what was said to me and I didn't feel right about so many other things I had concerns with.  So, I continued to pray for wisdom. 

Wisdom is a beautiful thing.  It redirects our lives, shapes our value system and leads us to God's better plan for us.  

My heart still aches when I think about that part of my past.  It's a season that sadly haunts me but I'm thankful I serve a God who is using it to better shape me, guide me and grow me.  He has allowed me to grow in wisdom and wisdom has taught me to tread lightly, not jump in without researching and seeking God and ALWAYS follow scripture!  My heart still aches so deeply and I still have lots of forgiving to do but I'm thankful that I now know the value of letting wisdom guide after forgiveness.  

Stay tuned for: "I Supported Anybody & Everybody"

I Don't Do Unhealthy: I Trusted Too Easily

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8

This scripture used to always confuse me.  I didn't understand how a God who believed in community and relationship so much could warn us about trusting others.  It wasn't until I was in high school and I was brutally betrayed by a close friend that I knew what this scripture was telling me.  I put more trust in those relationships and in those girls never lying to me, rejecting me and making me feel accepted than I did in the One who will never lie to me, reject me and will always accept me.  

I realized as I got older that people will hurt us, no matter how amazing or loving the relationship is and that's why we have to take refuge in the Lord over man.  The amazing part about this scripture is that it's not meant for us to be cynical when it comes to trust but it's meant to 1) protect our hearts and 2) compel us to love others with a graceful heart.  If we have the Love of the Lord in us then it is easier for us to show grace to others.

  "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace," 

1 Peter 4:10

Even though I knew this, I wasn't practicing it.  I was putting all of my trust into my relationships, expecting them to live up to this high standard that I placed upon them.  I was feeling completely rejected when they would hurt me in any way, leaving me walking with pain and bitterness.  I was letting people in too soon and getting upset when I finally got to know them and realized they were not people I needed to be friends with or have in my close circle and when I would finally realize this, I would be angry with them and couldn't love them the way God has called me to love others.  

Going into new relationships wisely isn't to frustrate us but to protect us and the other person.  We can't trust too easily or quickly.  We have to walk into new relationships guarding our heart and getting to know a person so that way we don't end up hurting them if we find that this isn't a person that should be in our close circle and vice versa.  None of us are perfect so we need to be protected as well if for some reason another person decides we don't belong in their close circle.  Views are different and sometimes beliefs can cause us to decide it's time to move on from a relationship.  We can eliminate all of this pain if we stop trusting too easily and jumping into relationships without getting to know somebody.  

Get to know the person's beliefs, watch how they treat others and most of all ask yourself if this is somebody you would trust with your children or husband.  If you aren't married, ask yourself if this is somebody who will help you to live a pure and peaceful single life.  Read scripture and find out what God wants in friends for us. Pray and ask God if He approves of the friendship blossoming and be obedient to His whisper.  

Trusting others isn't a bad thing but it is something we should do wisely.  So much pain could be eliminated in other's lives if we learned to do this.  I'm praying for you and praying for trust to be a precious and fragile part of who you are so that you don't give it away too easily! 

Stay tuned for "I Didn't Let Wisdom Guide"

I Don't Do Unhealthy: Rejection - Letting Go Of the Chase

"Eliminate unhealthy relationships and focus on healthy ones. Honestly consider the value of each of your current relationships. Pray for the wisdom to determine which people in your life right now either are or aren’t worthy of your trust, time, and energy. Ask yourself who influences your life in positive ways, as well as who impacts it in negative ways. Let go of unhealthy relationships and focus only on people with whom you truly have safe and positive relationships. From now on, choose to invest only in relationships in which you can participate in a healthy flow of mutual commitment and contribution." - Crosswalk

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THIS 👐

I can't explain to you how much this solidified some of the things I had been praying about since I returned home from Texas. Something about my trip to Texas completely changed my heart, my spirit and my mind.  I feel peaceful and enlightened and have walked with a renewed hope.  God is SO AMAZING how He brings everything to the forefront and how He orchestrates it all to work out for our good.  He DOES MAKE BEAUTY OUT OF ASHES!!!! Thank You Jesus! 

With that being said, one of the things he has been working in my heart about is, my ability to let anybody and everybody into my close circle. I continue to chase the people who reject me, I trust too easily, I forgive without allowing wisdom to guide the relationship after forgiveness and I support anybody and everybody and their dreams without asking myself if I need to support at close range or step away and support from a distance (might not make sense written out but it does in my head haha).

The next few days, I will be elaborating on each of these components because I think it's important for us to share our experiences with one another.  If somebody has or is going through what I have, then maybe I can help and vice versa!  I want to share what God has moved in me over the past couple of weeks and why these things can be dangerous to us emotionally, physically and most of all spiritually!  

I ALLOW ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY INTO MY CLOSE CIRCLE

Why would we do this y'all?  There are so many scriptures that support us NOT doing this yet Christians tend to do this more often than not because it is ingrained in our minds that we are to love and be kind (which we should).  However, we can love and be kind without allowing people into our closest most inner thoughts.  We must be "choosy" about who we allow into those most precious places in the deepest most purest core of our inner being.  The enemy is lurking and is capable of using anybody to speak death into our dreams and into our lives and family's lives (even if it's not directly to us).  Yes, we are to love but I've said it time and time before, sometimes loving from a distance is a more precious and sacred love because it allows us to separate ourselves from the pain of rejection and hurt and allows us to give those emotions to God and move on.  Separation isn't always a bad thing and God sometimes needs that separation between two people in order to work.  

Even Jesus had an inner circle!

I was literally sharing my most inner thoughts, my precious heart, my complete trust and parts of my life that are sacred with people who have shown me time and time again that they don't really care about a relationship with me.  So, in essence, I was allowing myself to be rejected over and over again..... and over and over again....and over....(you get the picture).  Which brings me to my first lesson:

I Continued to Chase the People Who Rejected Me

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you." Josh 15:18

Ugh, rejection.  One of the ugliest feelings in the world.  It's one that Jesus must have felt over and over again.  It hurts my heart to think about the pain he must of endured, all for me....all for us! What's amazing though is the beauty that God makes out of rejection.  

"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious,"

 1 Peter 2:4

"The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone." Psalm 118:22

For me, that beauty is that rejection has brought me into a deeper relationship with Him.  A relationship that's beauty is beyond any earthly friendship that I can ever imagine.  The beauty rejection has done for me is that it helped me to understand that not everybody is meant to be in my life or me in theirs......and THAT IS OK!  That is how it is supposed to be.  There are only a select few people that God wants in our deepest part of us and rejection allows Him to weed out the ones who are not supposed to be in there.  So, for the first time ever, I am SO thankful for REJECTION!!!!  I know it's so cliche' but it's so true, "Rejection is protection!"  So, at some point, we HAVE TO STOP chasing that in which He is trying to separate us from.  We have to STOP chasing the rejection.  How crazy is it that sometimes we CHASE the rejection?  Well, it stops today!  I hope you will join me! 

Every time I think about rejection, I think about the story of Leah and Rachel and what rejection did in their story.  Have you ever just felt so left out, so unchosen, so rejected?  I have.  Up until recently, I felt that day in and day out.  I can truly say that God has finally delivered me from the past rejections I have encountered.  I have found forgiveness, peace, love and the strength and courage to let go.  I had to let go of the hurt feelings and most of all I had to let go of the chase.   

Stay tuned for "I Trusted Too Easily"..... 

Bravelets For The PCOS Foundation

"The mission of the PCOS Foundation is 'to spread awareness through public and professional education programs in order to improve the diagnosis and decrease or eliminate the lifetime risk associated with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)."

This cause is personal for me as I have suffered with PCOS since I was 13 years-old.  I remember being 13 and spending a week in the hospital.  I was in so much pain and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me.  I wasn't diagnosed then but instead went many years having cyst rupture after cyst rupture after cyst rupture along with a ton of other health issues. I was diagnosed with PCOS 18 years ago after a major cyst rupture and surgery.  I didn't really understand it then, all I knew is that I was in pain and tired of the hospital.  It wasn't until after I got married and my husband and I started talking about having kids, that I really started to research it.  I knew from personal experience that women with PCOS had a higher rate of infertility and/or miscarriage, so that brought me to a point of wanting to understand it better.  Now that I was married, I wanted to be healthy and for once, smart about this.

I have come a very long way on my journey.  It's been frustrating, painful (emotionally and physically), enlightening, moving and brave.  I have met and spoken with some of the most amazingly brave women you will ever meet who brave this PCOS journey alongside me.  We cheer one another on, encourage one another and work with one another on bringing awareness to this very serious illness!  Two weeks ago my husband and I finally got the answer to why I continue to miscarry.  After years of so many questions, it all came down to one hormone that my body doesn't elevate enough during pregnancy.  Once the pregnancy hits a certain point, the baby doesn't make it. Now with an amazing PCOS specialist helping me to naturally get my levels where they should be, hopefully one day soon, I can carry a baby to full term.

 

To show your support, please visit Bravelets and purchase your favorite bravelet and show you support the PCOS Foundation!

I also added my Give Grace tattoo because showing myself grace is a huge part of my journey.  You can read more about that here.

No matter what you struggle with and no matter what your journey is.  

I pray you find your BRAVE in it! 

Give Grace On This Mother's Day

Today, I give grace to myself. After multiple miscarriages, infertility and PCOS I have spent many days feeling less of a woman and feeling forgotten. For some, Mother's Day is a joyful day filled with amazing love and memory making. For others, it's a day of pain and a reminder of loss.

Today, I stand with women who have lost their mother, lost a child, experienced miscarriage and/or infertility. Today, I give grace to myself. I embrace my journey and know that God is holding my hand each day that passes. I embrace my story and I embrace my pain. This pain has brought me to a place of complete trust in Him and has brought me in complete awe of His love for me. Each time I start to feel less than a woman, He reminds me that I am a strong woman embraced with a crown of beauty and love.

What do you need grace for today? Who do you need to give grace to?

Give Grace Freely...

and

Give grace to yourself freely.....

Clash Of Kingdoms By Charles Dyer & Mark Tobey - Four Stars

If you're like me, I am fascinated with the end times and apocalypse. Any time somebody brings up the relationship between current events and scripture, my ears are wide open! In this case, my eyes were wide open and I could not put this book down. Clash Of Kingdoms is a fascinating book that relates things going on in the world today and what the Bible says about the end times. If you are a Christian and want to understand how today's events are extremely parallel to scripture then you need to pick up this book. Charles Dyer and Mark Tobey do a phenomenal job at interpreting scripture and what's going on in Middle Eastern current events. 

This book has a smooth flow to it, which makes it easy to read. Scripture is used throughout the book so there isn't room to question much. I encourage any Christian interested in the end times, current events, Middle Eastern current events or the apocalypse to pick this book up and read it! You will learn and be challenged to really think about what's going on in this world today. Interesting stuff, that's for sure! 

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.*

Warfare Praying By Mark I. Bubeck - 5 Stars

Warfare Praying is a must read for every Christian. This book breaks down what it means to be a mighty warrior of prayer! There are 4 parts to this book and each part is extremely rich with wisdom. I had a hard time putting it down and when I did put it down, I immediately felt a move in my spirit to pray and lean more into God. The four parts are The Supremacy Of Christ, The Work Of The Holy Spirit, The Whole Armor Of God (my favorite one) and The Weapon Of Prayer. Mark does a great job of connecting each of these together and bringing you to a place of wanting to pray with a deeper purpose. 

The compelling way Mark Bubeck writes about prayer and going into battle with God challenged me to go into prayer with a different perspective. We all want spiritual triumph and this book helped me navigate through what that looks like in my prayer life. If you are a Christian struggling with prayer, in the midst of a spiritual battle or simply just want to have a stronger prayer life then I highly recommend this book! It's one that you won't be able to put down! 

God Searches For His Sheep

Ezekiel y'all!! I dove into Ezekiel 34 this morning and I'm so thankful that the Lord led me to this wonderful book. One of the things that has grieved my heart the past few months is the world today. And not just the world outside of Christ but the world of Christianity as well. The Bible warns us of the false teachers that surround us and it's been something that has hurt my heart more than words can even describe.

I worked at a church full time and once a week had the amazing honor of being Pastor on call, so I know first hand that there are so many hurting and hungry people out there searching for hope and searching for answers. With such an enormous amount of lost hurting people, I'm realistic and wise enough to know that this means easy prey for lots of predators. The devil knew that this would be the case and while God is raising up legit leaders, the enemy is raising up false teachers.

So as I've studied false teachers and signs to be aware of over the past few months, I have asked God many hard questions. I knew when He was ready and when I was ready to receive the answers, that He would answer. Don't you just LOVE HIS LOVE!? This morning, I received that comfort and peace I had been searching for in my studying of false teachers. Ezekiel 34 happened to me this morning and my heart couldn't be more at peace.

Ezekiel 34 teaches us that there is so much hope for those who have been led astray by false teachers. It reminded me and gave me hope that He has taken care of these details that sometimes get overlooked. Leaders are like shepherds to God and I know that the same God who rescued then is the same God who will rescue now. He sees the shepherds now who are misleading like He saw them in the past. "This is what the Lord God says: I am against the shepherds. I will blame them for what has happened to my sheep and will not let them tend the flock anymore. Then the shepherds will stop feeding themselves, and I will take my flock from their mouths and so they will no longer be their food." Ezekiel 34:10

My questions to God have been questions about the innocent ones. "What about the ones who are hungry and lost but know no better?" He answers that for me in Ezekiel 34:11-12, "This is what the Lord God says: I, myself, will search for my sheep and take care of them. As a shepherd takes care of his scattered flock when it is found, I will take care of my sheep. I will save them from all the places where they were scattered on a cloudy and dark day." Of course He is going to take care of the innocent and of course He is going to hand pick His children from the grips of evil before it's too late. Thank You Jesus for loving your people the way you do! Thank you for giving my heart peace in a world of false teachers preying on lost souls.

As Darin and I continue our journey in a new state, I know that God is protecting us from false teachers. I have been so timid in the new search for a new church that the process has been a slow movement. But that's OK. After reading Ezekiel, I no longer feel rushed to look nor do I feel fear to look. I know He will guide us, protect us and (if needed) rescue us!!!

Accountability and Separation Equals True Love

Friendships and business partnerships are a tricky thing. We should always make sure we know who we really are entrusting our lives and businesses with. If they are not living right behind closed doors, they WILL tarnish your family name, business name, and reputation. Not to mention the spiritual harm it can do to yourself, your circle of influence and that person. 

Often times we feel like in order to love, we must not turn them away. This kind of thinking is foolish thinking. Yes, we are called to love but real love is holding others accountable and not turning a blind eye to their sin. I wouldn't be where I am today spiritually if it weren't for the people who exhibited true Godly love toward me. They loved me enough to hold me accountable and yes, sometimes had to love me from a distance because of my ways. Did it hurt? Yes, ABSOLUTELY!! But it taught me a valuable lesson and it made me realize that people I loved deserved better than who I was giving them!

I was giving them a pretend "christian" who said all the right things at the right times. I would pretend to turn away from my sin and put on a good "christian" show for others. I lived half way in the world and half way in church raising my hands in praise. I look back at who I was many many years ago and I'm SO thankful for the ones who didn't live in the delusion of who I pretended to be. They used the powerful discernment God had gifted them with and used it for His good. They loved me with truth and God's Word. They were obedient to what He says. He commanded them to stay separated from somebody like me and their obedience worked out for my good as well. We can't ignore the guidance He gives us in scripture. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Loving others doesn't mean you have to give them your complete all or trust them with everything and everybody in your life. Scripture teaches us to watch our company. We can still love others without putting our own family, other people's salvation or hard work at risk. In fact God guides us to stay away from them. Who in your life is needing some tough love? Who in your life is needing somebody to love them enough to sit them down and have a true and honest heart to heart? Who in your life are you putting too much trust in? Talk to God about it and seek His guidance. Read scripture and align what we are taught with your actions. Be brave today and LOVE somebody with TRUE GODLY LOVE. 

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. ..." 2 Timothy 3:1-17

"I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked." Psalm 26:4-5

What I'm Loving Wednesday - Weather, Happy Place and Family

I'm loving the beautiful weather here in Washington the past couple of days. It's normally rainy (which I DO LOVE) but the sunshine and spring atmosphere has been amazing as well!!!!

I'm loving that I have a supportive husband who took me to find my happy place this past weekend. My heart was hurting due to the death of a family member. We cross the St. John's bridge at least two times a week, so he decided to take me to explore the area. One of his friends from work told him there was a little park under the bridge. Indeed there was and indeed it was beautiful and indeed.....I found my happy place.

What I'm loving the most is God's amazing grace and peace. We lost Steve Reese this past weekend and it broke my heart. However, I know Steve is finally resting and in peace and that brings me joy. Thank You Jesus for loving him!

When You Have To Flee

In today's world of social media, it's so easy to fall into the need to have people's acceptance. We post hoping for a like or a comment. We post longing for the acceptance of other people. Sometimes that acceptance can become our god and we can find ourselves needing that more than we need Him.

I recently was slapped in the face with this sin of mine. I found myself desperately needing social media likes from certain people only to feel rejected when they looked past me. I would see their approval of others Facebook posts and pictures and would find myself feeling like a rejected failure. God revealed to me that I was seeking approval from the wrong source. I was worshiping the approval from certain people instead of being content in His approval.

I would love to say that after realizing this, I repented and quit. I tried that but it didn't work. I continued to sadly notice the lack of social media attention from these individuals and my heart continued to ache. Why was this such a battle with me and with just these certain people? I asked God these specific questions and He revealed that I was searching for grace and forgiveness from them. He reminded me of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me and that grace and forgiveness were already mine. I didn't need to seek personal value from these individuals nor did I need to continue to feel trapped in my mistakes from the past. With this new knowledge, I didn't know what to do. I understood what He was telling me but I couldn't get my heart to understand. Still, I kept secretly waiting for their "likes" and comments. They never came.....

"Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1 Corinthians 10:14

The bottom line was that I had been idolizing certain people's acceptance on social media. I was putting their rejection of me above God's love for me. With each post, my spirit grew more and more weary. With each viewing of that person's likes and comments on other people's posts, I felt more and more rejected. I finally said, "wait, this is not what God wants for me." I prayed several days on what to do and I came across 1 Corinthians 10:14...... I had to either deactivate all of my social media or delete the people who's acceptance I had been idolizing for so long. I weighed both options very carefully. I use social media for my coaching business and soon for the Mrs. Washington pageant. I dreaded doing what I knew I needed to do..... I didn't want to feel mean or childish but I knew I had to flee from this idolatry I had created for myself. I had to remove it from my life. I had to be mature enough to say that not having people on my social media does not mean I don't love them or care for them, it just means that I am choosing to remove the temptation to sin. I am choosing to only worship God and His love and acceptance of me. So, I did it y'all. I deleted people from social media. I dislike deleting people. I never want to hurt people's feelings or make them feel as if I am rejecting them. My heart is pure and to love God more than anybody and anything in this world is what I desire. He isn't concerned with feelings, He is concerned with my heart health and I knew what was happening was not good for my heart or my relationship with Him.

So, I challenge you today to totally put God first. Is there something in your life that causes you to stumble? Is there something in your life that you are idolizing and putting above God? If so, remove it from your life at all cost. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is more important than your heart with God. He has to come first no matter what. Sometimes, you just have to flee.....

A Path To Restoration By Lois Brittell PhD - 4 Stars

This study guide was a beautifully written piece and had me in prayer each time I picked it up to read it. I couldn't help but to desire more intimate time with Him after each chapter. I wanted to both thank Him and lay in His peaceful arms. A Path To Restoration is about understanding what God has done for us, what He asks of us and what restoration in Him looks like.

This study guide challenged me to think more about my relationship with God and how I view Him. It helped me to understand how loving and welcoming our God is. This book definitely pushed me to more intimacy with Him and created a certain level of thanksgiving to my Lord and Savior. It opened my eyes to who He is and who we are in Him. Challenging and peaceful read.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Big Faith In Any Job

Living in big faith means living a walk and lifestyle so close to God's heart that even the strongest of unbelievers can't resist noticing it. Often times, people think that if they don't work for the church or in ministry that they aren't walking as close to Him as say a, ministry leader or pastor. The truth is, we all are human and have a choice to walk a christian walk and live a christian lifestyle. It doesn't matter if you work in ministry or work as a secretary or doctor or dog walker.

Take it from somebody who worked in ministry at a pretty large church. My days weren't filled with oohs and ahhs and holding hands with my co-workers as we prayed all day. My days were working, getting impatient with processes, following rules and regulations, some days not feeling well and any other crazy thing you can think of. My point is, even church staff have our "moments" in the work place and we too have to choose to live for Him and act according to how He would have us. Being a church worker does not exempt people from being human.

Has it ever occurred to you that the heroes of the bible were working normal jobs outside of the church and dealing with the same normal life chaos that you deal with? Don't believe me? Well it's true! Moses did most of his work in the Pharaoh's conference rooms and deserts. Boaz did his on a farm. Esther did hers in a king's palace. Noah did his on an ark. Nehemiah did his on a construction project. For the most part they were not clergy working in the local church. No, they were working regular jobs and living "normal" lives. And there are many others in the bible who were living normal lives but fulfilling His purpose and plan for them.

When we work in secular jobs, we have an opportunity to show God's love to others. We have an opportunity to be the light in a dark world. We have an opportunity to share the Gospel either verbally or visually. You get to have a chance to practice a big faith that's big enough for the real world. Your faith doesn't have to be restricted just to an environment of church. Today, let your faith be big enough to be an act of God walking on the streets in the real world!