Ending 2016 and Walking Into A New Season

Where do I begin with 2016......On the outside, I would be justified in saying this was the worst year of my life and in a way, that's very true. However, serving the kind of loving God that I do, He has made it all beautiful and for His glory! I love Him so much! There are so many things about 2016 that were terrible, heart breaking, suffocating.....but I wouldn't change one thing. It was the year of MAJOR growth, spiritual redirection and divine appointments with God. His thumbprint is on every moment of this year! I leave 2016 with complete thanksgiving and gratitude! Thank You Daddy for your amazing love for me! Thank You for your gifts of growth, change, mercy and grace! My love for you grew deeper this year and I pray that it only continues!!!

January 4th, the day that is embedded in my heart. I remember every moment, every word and every emotion of that morning at the doctor's office. The words "you're pregnant but Crystal, it appears that you are miscarrying," ring in my ears to this day, almost a year later. The drive home was so surreal. Darin and I had been on fertility medicine for two months. How could the joy of hearing "you are pregnant" be followed with such tragic and heart wrenching news? I was devastated. I was heart broken. I was confused. I was hurting. "You Are Not Alone" by Kari Jobe came on the radio.....it was like God was reminding me that through the pain, through the confusion....He was with me. I suddenly felt peace in my heartbreak. I knew the days ahead would be hard but I had assurance from the beginning, He was with me every step of the way.

The days following were a blur. I slept a lot. I cried a lot. I was mourning.

I was soon able to write a letter to my baby. This was the first time I started to feel a small step towards healing.

I learned a lot in this grieving season. I learned how to "Just Be".....how to just be in the moment of brokenness without trying to fix it myself. I learned how to just be silent and allow Him to embrace me in my pain. I learned that not having all the answers is "ok" because I serve the one who does! I learned that I don't have to be everything to everybody because I am just me.....and sometimes, I am broken and can't.....and that doesn't make me a bad person. I learned that sometimes saying "no" is loving myself, my marriage and my growth with God. I learned that I just need to be me and who I am in the season I am in and that the people who really belong in my life will be right there with me when all is said and done.....even if it means that I need distance and space for a moment. I learned SO much about the true meaning of relationships; with others, with myself and with God.

March brought some amazing joy!! My mother and step-father FINALLY got married! After years of praying for them to seal their relationship with marriage, they DID IT!!!! It was such a joyful moment in our family!!! A moment that made 2016 beautiful and reminded me that God is faithful!

Through the loss of our first child, Project Purpose was birthed. One of the things I was so saddened by with our loss is that we would never be able to see our child live out his God given purpose. I made a promise to myself that I would give his short life purpose! Project Purpose started out as my cause for the Mrs. Texas pageant but has formed into something amazing! Project Purpose is about helping others walk in purpose by encouraging, inspiring and giving back to the community. On June 9th, I realized that this was more than a cause but it was a mission!

July 5th, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. That cyst rupture would be the cause to a domino effect of health problems that lasted until mid November. Talk about frustration! The rupture caused my hiatal hernia to inflame, which would then cause my esophagus to inflame, which would then cause a TON of physical pain for months to come. I was in and out of doctor's appointments, tests, ER visits....it was a nightmare. In the midst of trying to find out what was going on with my body, the doctor's found a lump in my breast which turned out to be a cyst, which caused another set of doctor's visits and honestly.....another set of big fears! Thankfully, everything turned out fine. I'm on some meds and getting back on track with life and GREAT health!!!! God is good and even though I was frustrated and in physical pain, I felt God close to me. He was near me, leaning into me more than ever and I Him. Our relationship grew deeper in these moments of sickness.

It was in these months that I dove into scripture like never before and it was in these months that my spiritual life would be redirected. I started to view things so differently. I realized that things I thought were important really were not! I loved working in the church but it wasn't what my heart desired any more, the mission I was working for wasn't what God wanted for me in this season. I realized that spiritually, I was heading in the wrong direction. A direction that God doesn't want for me as a Christian. I idolized too much. I idolized worldly ways to reach out to the lost and expected worldly ideas and creativity to be what captured their hearts. I put God in a box and didn't use scripture and His love be what captured the hearts of those who didn't know Him. I followed the masses of using pop culture, worldly creativity and idols to guide me. I was so wrong. It was in my sickness that I truly found what God wanted for me. As Christians, we should be helping the elderly, loving on the sick, visiting the incarcerated, giving to the orphaned and feeding the homeless. I realized, I had been doing it wrong. My Christianity had been about what something looked like from the outside and not about what God saw in the inside. God changed me even more during these months and it hurt like crazy. It hurt bad because I felt like I had let Him down my years of being a Christian.

It has taken some time to forgive myself but I'm thankful for a God who forgives me because He has taught me in these past few months that He loves me and I am worthy of forgiveness. He has reminded me that it isn't the journey that matters but that I get there. I still have SO much to learn and I realize that in a few more years maybe even weeks or months, there will be another growth spurt and I will realize I had gotten something wrong again but I will embrace that! God WANTS us to seek Him consistently....and even if it takes days, weeks or even years.....He wants us to GET it! So, I will keep seeking Him and leaning into Him!

My last day at the church was December 14th. It was a bitter sweet day but obedience isn't always easy. I was saying goodbye to an amazing church family and a job I loved dearly! My love for God will always be stronger though and I had to be courageous in walking into the next season! God will never ever ask us to let go of something without a reason or without giving us something back! He is a loving God like that! I grew so much and learned so much in the past two years of working at the church. I was surrounded by people who led and taught me. It is the only church I have ever been a member at and I will forever be thankful for the people, learning and growth that took place there.

My husband and I are walking into not just a new year but a new season! We are leaving behind so much heartache and valleys in 2016 but walking into 2017 with so much growth, wisdom and new beginnings! I pray for all of you to look back at this past year and see how God used the good and bad moments for your good. I pray your 2017 is a year that brings joy and happiness and growth! God never promised us this life would be easy but He promised us that He would never leave us! He really does make beauty out of ashes!!! I believe that....I'm living that.

2015's Powerful Lesson Learned

Aside from learning how to balance the married life and an awesome new job....I learned a very powerful and life changing lesson! I learned that not everybody in your life is your cheerleader. I learned that who I associate with matters. I learned that loving yourself sometimes means loving certain people from a distance.

"He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm." 

Proverbs 13:20 

If you associate with negative people, you too will be negative. If you associate with hot heads, you too will be a hot head. If you associate with gossipers, you will gossip. If you associate with "haters", you will be a "hater".  

Towards the end of 2014, I was preparing for marriage. During that preparation, I made a promise to myself that I would love my husband and my marriage enough to no longer surround myself around those who's "love" was confusing or painful. I didn't want to bring that rejection or hate from others into my new marriage or my new home. I wanted to surround myself and my marriage around people who truly loved and supported us and those who inspired and encouraged us! This was a painful thing to do and experience but the rewards have been amazing!  

God has honored the decision of putting my husband and marriage first and wanting only healthy relationships in our lives! It is BIBLICAL to be mindful of our associations and to also FLEE from things or people that might help us stumble! 

"Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn AWAY from them." Romans 16:17. 

It isn't selfish to want better for your life. It is WISE to be selective and to know who should be loved from a distance. Thank you God for all you have done for my husband and me! I will take these painful lessons and continue to grow in YOUR goodness and to focus on the relationships YOU want in my life!!!  

I encourage anybody who is struggling with letting people go that hurt you, reject you, disrespect you, or people who say they love you but act as if they hate you to cling to what is good and cling to GOD! Letting go of people you love is hard but once you are free, you are FREE. NOTHING is wrong with loving hurtful people from a distance! Let 2016 be the year that you associate with positive, God fearing, loving, and kind people! Let 2016 be the year you are set free from painful or destructive relationships and cling to God! He is the One who can set you free and show you REAL love! 

Happy New Year readers! May this be the year that all of your dreams come true!!

Christmas Shenanigans

What an awesome Christmas weekend and FIRST Married Christmas might I add!  Thursday, hubby and I went to Christmas Eve service and enjoyed it so much!  Trinity's Creative Arts did a wonderful job of putting that together!

That evening my parents came over and enjoyed Christmas Eve dinner and gift exchange!  We had amazing food and amazing company!

Christmas Day, we spent the day with my father-in-law!  We went and watched the new Star Wars and brought Buffalo Wild Wings home and spent the rest of the day watching movies!  It was very nice and relaxing!

Saturday, my brother and sister-in-law came over and we had pizza and exchanged gifts!  I stinking love my nephew!

We didn't get to spend much time together because Blizzard 2015 was about to hit Lubbock, TX and boy did it!  We are currently on Day 4 of being snowed in!  It has been nice and relaxing!  I have been able to clean closets, cook and bake, catch up on some reading, and take long hot bubble baths! Most awesome, I have spent amazing quality time with my husband!!! We took Daisy out for a walk and it still looks terrible out there!  Not sure we will be going any where for a while! Yikers!!!!

I think I will start working on my New Year's goals!  2015 was awesome but 2016 is going to be more awesome!!!!!!

It's Ok Thursdays

It's ok that we have been having movie day literally all day long!  Snowy and cold outside so a nice day of cuddles by the fireplace with my future hubby is a perfect way to spend the first day of the year!

It's ok that it's not even 10PM and I don't have to work tomorrow but I'm ready to go to sleep.

It's ok that two days ago we realized that our boy cat "Lego Batman" is in fact..... wait for it....A GIRL cat!!!! WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

I pray you all have a WONDERFUL and AMAZING and GOD FILLED 2015! God is GOOD!!!!

Saying Goodbye To Chapter 2011 and HELLO to Chapter 2012

So, I was going through some old blog posts and ran across a 2011 NYE going into 2012 post and thought I would share it.  This reminded me of how much God has done in my life!  Life changes so much and I'm so thankful I have documented my moments in life in my little blog here!  It's nice to look back and see what He has done!  All Glory to Him!  Thank You Jesus!  

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WOW!!!! A new year is on the horizon! So hard to believe that another year has come and gone!  The great thing about going into a new year is being able to go back and reflect on your last year.  I am sure most everybody can relate when I say, "WHOA! What a year!"  I am amazed when I look back and see all that happens in ONE YEAR.....it is so amazing the changes that take place in our lives in just ONE year!  Wow!

I was reading my blog from last year's Chapter 2011 blog and WHOA, it's amazing to think about where I was this time last year and how different my life was.  It is definitely a good whoa though, that's for sure!  A lot did happen over the last year and through it all I had God's guidance and love.  I can honestly say that I had many of hard nights that with out His love, I wouldn't have made it through some events as peacefully or as gracefully as I did.  

I said goodbye to some relationships and friendships and hello to some new ones.  I opened up my heart to change even when I knew the pain would be unbearable.  I prayed and followed His guidance even when my flesh disagreed and what He wanted for me at the time was not what I wanted BUT I obeyed any way.  I said goodbye to a relationship and to a person I loved with all that I had but I knew God was guiding me to cut the relationship off and move on.  I didn't understand at the time but I do now.  He had another plan for me.  A plan that has so far exceeded any expectations I have ever had and I'm so thankful for God's guidance and that He loves me so much that He DOES have a will for my life and that He does guide me through seasons that I don't understand or even when I don't know what I'm doing.

I have seen God work in my life so much this year.  I have experienced prayers help me through some difficult times and I have praised Him through the good and through the bad!  I have seen His love and His grace touch friends and family and it amazes me every time.  I love hearing how He helps my loved ones through the storms and how He blesses them.  I can only pray that 2012 will be a blessing for everybody that I love.  Not saying we won't have hard times because, we will.  I just pray that there are more great than bad and that through the bad, we continue to give Him Praise, Glory, and most of all TRUST!

So, I started looking back at my goals from last year and some of them I met and others, not so much. I had a goal of speaking more pleasantly and being more loving towards others and to myself.  I have become a better speaker and I have learned to watch my tongue more but this is definitely a goal I will keep for 2012.  

The things that still did not seem to be my season for me were running a marathon, going on a mission trip, and completing my second book.  Maybe 2012 will be my season!  However, I did grow in my passion for photography and that is something that makes me so happy!!!! I hope my passion will continue to grow in this area and that I continue to grow creatively and technically as a photographer!  There is still so much to learn and do but I am SO excited to see what 2012 brings for my photography business.  

Last year I prayed for the right relationships to continue in my life and to be able to discern and remove the ones that did not need to be there.  I continue to pray that for myself and I imagine I always will.  I have slowly let go of some friendships that were toxic and my eyes continue to open up to a couple of more that are not so good for me.  So, just like any other year, 2012 will be a year of saying goodbye but a year of new friendships and relationships in my life and I'm so excited to see who comes into my life next year.  Some of the new and amazing friendships that I have built this year are with some of the most amazing girlfriends I could ever ask for.  Haley, Kirsten, Cindy, and Miranda have have brought more of God into my life and some great girlfriend time that I cherish!  I'm really blessed to have all four of these Godly women in my life and I pray that God continue to be the center of our friendships.  

So, HELLO 2012!  I welcome you with open arms!  I'm so ready for the journey God is about to take me on and so ready to have an amazing year!  HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS!

High Five For Friday - New Years and The Holiday Bowl

High Five Number One - It's a new year!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!

High Five Number Two - Holidays are over and it's time to get back to life..... I LOVE the holidays but it's kinda nice to get back to the normal routine that we seem to lose track of between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day.  

High Five Number Three - Texas Tech won the Holiday Bowl!!!!!!!  It was an awesome game!!!!!!  

High Five Number Four - Resting for the weekend..... that's what I plan on doing this weekend! Yeah Buddy!!!!!!

High Five Number Five - With that being said..... a nappy noodle is in order...... see ya later friends!!!!

Favorite Memories of 2013

2013 was filled with good times and bad times....mostly good times.  Here is a break down of some of my favorite memories of 2013

I spent Valentine's Day with my sweet Daisy..... she always makes the best Valentine.

In February I also started my job at Covenant and met some wonderful friends.

My family celebrated two birthdays and I enjoyed every moment of them.... Kylee and Uncle Chon.

My Mommy, Daisy, and I hopped in the car and took a girl's trip and spent St. Patrick's weekend with my sissy and met some of her sweet friends who sang praise and worship music, which Daisy adored so much as you can tell in the picture below.  On the way home we stopped by to visit my amazing Great Aunt.

Regina and I celebrated my birthday by moving into our new apartment.

In April, I met up with some of my old high school pals while Michael was in town.  We had so much fun reminiscing and it was great spending time with some of my favs.

Easter fun with the fam......

Sister came in to celebrate Mom's birthday.

April 6th marked the first year anniversary from when my cousin Raul passed away and we had his memorial in Brownfield.  My Aunt Ofelia and Uncle Raymond came in, along with my sissy and brother in love and we celebrated his life!

I was also asked to be a part of Miles For Missions hosted by Church On The Rock.  This organization is amazing as it's focus is sending God's servants out into the mission field!  I was able to link up with my sweet friend Annie.

Silly way to celebrate my niece MacKenzie's birthday but we had a lot of fun.... LOL

We took a family trip to Colorado for my cousin Alec's graduation and we had SO MUCH FUN!!!!! Colorado is BEAUTIFUL and family trips are a blast!!!!!!

Unfortunately my family has lost a handful of family members to cancer and we also have some survivors.  So every year my family gets together to support Relay For Life.  This was the first year that I was in town to participate and it was an honor to be among so many survivors and their family members, including my own family!!

Summer was fun.... I watched my little cousin Kinley play an awesome game of ball....she rocks!!!!

We had fun in the sun!

and sweet visits from literal angels on earth....

And I helped celebrate one of my best friend's birthdays..... Natasha!  I met Natasha this year through unusual circumstance and we immediately became besties.  I love her so much and she has already proven to be an amazing life long friend.  She has helped me through some trying times this year and her faith in God is amazing!!!  I prayed for amazing Christian girlfriends and God is providing!!!!

This year I walked the Koman Breast Cancer walk with the gals from work.  We walked in honor of one of the sweet nurses that works with us, Dixie and I also walked in honor of my Aunt Barbara who is also a survivor.

Every year, I celebrate Teal Toes for Ovarian Cancer and this year, it was hosted by my friend Margo.  I also had several friends from all over paint their toes and send me pics.  It was amazing seeing my friends participate in this cause.

Fall is my favorite season and my cousins and I had so much fun having our Pumpkin Patch and Carving night..... We picked some big ol' pumpkins and had a blast carving them!

Halloween was in full effect at the office.

and we can't have fall without TEXAS TECH FOOTBALL!!!!! DUH!!!!!

One of my cousins is having her first child and it was an honor to celebrate at her baby shower with her.  She is one of the sweetest and kindest people that I know! It's awesome to watch all of her dreams coming true!

We kicked Christmas season off with Cousins Painting Night where we painted Christmas paintings.  We had so much fun and I reflected a lot on how special my relationships are with each of my cousins.  I have made it a point to honor my relationships with my cousins since my cousin Rachel passed away twelve years ago.  Cousins are like siblings that you don'tt have sibling rivalry with haha..... they are our best friends and the ones we grow up with and I'm so blessed to have amazing cousins in my life!!!!!  My cousins and my sister are truly my greatest and bestest friends in my life!!!!

Ending my year of favorite memories is of course Christmas Eve with the family!!!!  We had so much fun and it always makes me thankful for the family I have.  Sure we have our differences and we can be "dysfunctional" from time to time haha but they are my family......my blood and my biggest supporters!  I love you guys!

In looking back at my memories, I spent the majority of the year with my awesome family and I wouldn't change a thing.  I moved back to Texas specifically for my family, so it's awesome to reflect and look back and see that the majority of my year and favorite moments are with my family!  I'm so excited for 2014.  I know it's going to be an amazing year for myself and for all of my loved ones.  2013 was a year of seed planting and 2014 is the year for the harvest!!!!  Happy New Year GUYS!!!!!!!!!!