This week was an up and down one but I had some major breakthroughs. The only good day I really had was Wednesday until that evening. That was when I realized that I need to embrace the season I am in and just BE. I have been trying to force myself back into my old life but it's impossible because I'm not that Cryssie any more. Things are different, I am different. I need to be ok with being hurt and unsure. I need to be ok with it because that is when I am able to give it to the Lord and fully release it. I need to accept it and be ok with not understanding it. Not because I want to be broken but because of the One who can restore me.
We can only receive freedom when we can take that deep breath in and release it and then say, "ok Jesus, it's all Yours. All of the broken pieces, all of the hurt, all of the uncertainty, and all of my hopes and dreams are Yours." It is only when we can surrender that He can take our broken pieces and make us whole again.
I don't have the answers to why we miscarried and that's ok. I don't feel completely whole right now and that's ok. I don't understand half of the emotions I go through on a day to day basis but that's ok too. It's ok because where I might not know, He does and He wants me to just BE. Even in my prayer time, He just wants me to BE. He wants me to just be with Him in the silence. He doesn't need me to grow or feel whole again right this second, He just needs me to be with Him in this season. He placed me here and I have to trust Him.
I'm so thankful that His beauty radiates more when we can see His face in the painful moments.