***LOOONNNNGGGG personal share of some growth that has occurred in my personal and emotional life over the past few months. I hope this can help somebody who is battling their worth in friendships. ***
While building and walking into the purpose God has laid out for me, I have learned this important lesson BIG time over the past few months. Not only have I been working hard on trying to build something for Him, but I have had fall backs and major things happening in my personal life at the same time. Life isn’t perfect. Social media doesn’t always tell the true story of what’s going on in somebody’s life. It is mostly a highlight reel because some things are too personal, and not meant for just anybody to know. Maybe later they will be used for testimony and to help others, but some things need only God and maybe a community to help get you through. That is why we NEED to have supportive people in our corner. We need the gals who we reach out to no matter what. The ones I knew I could cry to, ask for prayers (and knew they wouldn’t gossip or judge what was happening in my life), are the ones I KNEW automatically were my village. (THANK YOU LADIES, you know who you are boos.) Having a tribe and friends you KNOW you can trust and count on is NECESSARY in this life! I always say, it takes a village.
God has really revealed my true tribe and my true friends to me the past few months! You ladies who love me through the mess, the ones who support my business and encourage me on days I feel unworthy, THANK YOU FOR being AMAZING and loving me even in your own cares, heartaches and busy schedules going on in life. I hope I return the same kind of love and care to you, and if I don’t smack me across the face and tell me what you need! I’m there and I got you boo!
When God reveals things, sometimes it can hurt. It has been heartbreaking to accept some of these needed changes in relationships, BUT AMAZING for the most part. I emotionally finally let go of some people (ones that God had been trying to tell me for many years were toxic for my reputation (gossipers and backstabbers) and toxic for my emotional, mental and spiritual health. Here’s the thing, I am married now, about to start a little family (moving closer to adoption AND also TTC…..holy moly, what if adoption happens at the same time as pregnancy?? WHAT A BLESSING that would be). It is SO important who we allow into our family’s life as well. I’m a momma bear when it comes to my family, and we don’t even have kids yet! Yes, God, I will listen to you now. It took bringing a husband into my life, planning for our family and building something that my children and children’s children can hopefully one day be proud of and maybe even continue after I am long gone, to truly understand the NEED to have good, quality, trustworthy, cheerleaders in my life. I have finally realized the importance of committed and loyal friends, and not the ones who waiver, but the ones who are solid, you never wonder what your worth is in their eyes. STOP questioning your worth girlfriend. If you are reading this and have those friends and people in your life, STOP. Put the relationship down. Walk away. And love from a distance. Give that relationship to God girlfriend and give Him the space to work in it. Here is what will happen; He will either work in both of your hearts and one day bring restoration OR He will give you peace as you walk away and begin to form healthier and more meant for you friendships.
I don’t hate or dislike the people I have had to take some steps back from. As a matter of fact, I care deeply and love them (always will)……but from a distance. And that’s okay. You have to tell yourself, THAT.IS.OKAY. It is okay and actually Biblical to use wisdom in our close relationships. That doesn’t mean to hate, be cruel, not help if they ever need it etc. It simply means, “I’m not your people. And you are not my people.” You see, I don’t believe that just because somebody isn’t a good friend to me, makes them a bad friend in general. Not at all. I just believe that there is something about me or the patterns in our relationship that causes the friendship to just be toxic for the both of us. I truly believe the people I had to step away from are TRULY good friends to THEIR real tribe, that simply doesn’t include me and vice versa. At some point, you have to stop faking the friendship and move forward. It is the best thing for our emotional health and that of our families!
So remember: 1. It is Biblical to choose your friends wisely. 2. Both parties deserve good healthy friendships. 3. You only love yourself and the other person most when you can walk away in peace and love. 4. YOU ARE WORTHY.
Some people you MUST love at arm’s length. It IS INDEED Biblical for a reason;
Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Proverbs 12:26 – “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Proverbs 20:19 – “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”
Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”