"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." Psalm 4:4 (NIV)
The first thing to understand about anger is that it's not a sin to be angry. There is a difference between rational anger and irrational anger. There is a difference between handling anger the biblical way and handling anger the worldly way. There is a difference between keeping our peace and giving into our flesh.
Anger is not always bad. It's unhealthy to suppress anger. What is bad; however, is being angry at the wrong situation or wrong person. 80% of the time when we get angry at something, deep down we are really angry at something else. Ask yourself, "What am I angry about? Why am I so upset? What is really the root of my anger?"
It's so important to understand the why of anger and to really understand where the anger is stemming from. Anger itself, is never the root problem. There is always a deeper issue. Anger is simply an emotional reaction to one of three primary emotions. If you want to understand your anger you've got to find out which of these three you are feeling. Maybe it's one specific emotion or maybe it's a combination of all three. It's important that you know this because it's much easier to deal with the roots than it is to deal with anger itself. When you get angry it's either because:
You are hurt - either physically or emotionally.
You are frustrated - Things don't seem to be turning out the way you want them to. When you're angered by frustration, ask yourself two questions: Would getting angry change the situation? Is it really worth being upset over? And am I really frustrated with this person or situation or just projecting my anger and frustration in the wrong direction?
You are fearful - you feel threatened or insecure. Lots of times, insecurity sparks jealousy and jealousy sparks anger. What are you really fearful of and work on that and stop projecting that fear onto others.
When you focus on the real cause, it's easier to control your anger.
The fact is, you can't eliminate hurt and frustration and fear from your lives. Those emotions and feelings are inevitable. But you can learn to deal with these things without becoming upset and angry and lashing out at the wrong people and situations. Anger is a choice. And when you get angry, it is because you've chosen to be angry.
Change is a part of life and sometimes it starts within ourselves.